Nostalgia for Childhood

I’ve been scrolling through my phone for the past few hours enjoying my Saturday night. A few years ago, my parents would check every few minutes to check if I was asleep, and confiscate my phone if they saw me using it. Now, as I’m free to doom scroll to infinity, I feel an odd twinge of nostalgia for my earlier childhood days. Don’t get me wrong—being a teen definitely has its perks. Now I can just go places without having a chaperone, and can spend my allowance how I want. But sometimes, I catch myself longing for the simpler times when I was just a kid. 

My biggest worries back then was whether I’d get invited to a friend’s pinata party, or if I could have ice cream for dessert. Back then, being happy was easy. A dessert, or a small purchase could make any day the greatest. But now, there’s nothing that’s certain to make me happy. There’s just so many things I’m constantly worried about that it’s harder to appreciate the simpler things in life. Yes, the beach day with family was a blast, but there’s always a nagging voice in my head wondering about my latest test or tryout results. 

As a child, everyday was an adventure. I’d spend hours building elaborate pillow forts in the living room with my brother, building lego dream houses, or convincing ourselves that the floor was really lava. Nothing seemed impossible, and I’d spend everyday trying to make all my wildest imaginations come to life. I can’t pinpoint exactly when, but I’ve lost the ability to fully live in the moment, and enjoy a moment to its max. Because call me melodramatic, but the only lava I deal with these days is the overwhelming flood of responsibilities. 

Social events used to be much simpler and more carefree. Playdates were organized by our parents, and courtesy didn’t really matter. Now, hanging out involves careful coordination of schedules, parental permissions, the eternal question of where we should go, and calculating exactly how much money I can spend. I miss the times when I could show up to my friend’s house with a Nintendo DS and spend an afternoon playing Pokemon. 

And with age, birthday parties have become almost obsolete. And to be fair, it’s hard to organize a party or have people show up if your birthday is during the school year—everyone’s just too busy with extracurriculars and prep school. And while the new roller-coaster birthday trips are a blast, I miss the pinata-beating parties where our only job was to stuff our faces and jump around on our sugar high. I’m not completely sure what were exactly so great about these birthday parties, but they’ve left an undeniable dent into my childhood psyche. 

I’ve never been the biggest fan of school, but now I realize elementary school was a breeze compared to high school. With nap times, recess and more interactive classes, it was practically paradise, where my only responsibility was to show up and have fun. Now, I have to show up, keep up with school, before having the mental space to have fun or socialize with friends. I have to put algebra homework and deciphering Shakespeare above gossiping with friends in class—one missed class can mean the end for some of my subjects.

Being a teenager isn’t all bad, but especially with how overwhelmed I feel with everything, I would trade the world to be a child again. Even if for only a day, I want to be truly carefree, and be able to enjoy life purely for its beauty. I want to build those forts, play those games and nap all I want—instead of being entirely responsible for my grades or how I spend my time. I really wanted to end this on a more positive note, about how teenhood is worth it, but my heart is truly full with a nostalgia for better times, and I ache to be a child again.